Not So Cheeky Lately

I get it. I know. ‘The Cheeky Genova’ hasn’t been so cheeky lately. More doom and gloom, right? That vortex of negativity I used to reference in my videos – jeez, haven’t done one of those in a while – I guess I’m stuck in it. But why? And how do I snap out of it?

(If you’re wondering about the cover photo, that chimp/ape/monkey is my ENTIRE vibe right now. I’m fairly certain I have that exact perturbed, confused, a bit scared look on my face. So Dude, I RELATE.)

First, why?
I went from landing my “dream job” working for myself to this 30-something lying around in her pjs just trying to muster up the energy to go for a quick run (as opposed to watching Emily in Paris for the 100th time while shooting off work emails and drafting charts, graphs, submissions for a project yet to be spoken of).
How did we get here?
Let’s start with the hard truth: 2020 blows. It sucks. Not just for me, but for the entire planet. I mean you literally walk down the street feeling the tension and defeated faces staring out from under dirty masks.
– Maybe it started when we didn’t go on our summer holiday to my happy place, Italy. But okay, not the end of the world, and also, I should be very grateful that was ever even on the table. I wanted to share with all of you my secret, special Ortigia, Sicily, and our little oasis in Navona, Rome. COVID kinda put a damper on that. But those days will come, with some sick food and fashion to boot.
– Then there’s the grief. My friendly cloud of losses past that manages to push sadness to the forefront even today. I challenge negative thoughts, but alas, as you know if you’ve read any of my writing lately, it’s here. The pain.
– With loss, I’ll transition to the ongoing echo in my head, “You’re a loser.” We’ve all felt this way. Like losers. Like we could and should be doing more. Like we’re just filled with untapped potential that we (and only we) cannot seem to unleash. At the core of all my negativity these past few weeks is this settled-in loser. She’s made a home in my over-achieving soul and I can’t seem to evict her yet.

So what’s next?
How do I go from zero to hero? From a tremendous loser to my cheeky, go-getter self full of joy and inspiration? Back to making genuine impact and maybe even adding a bit of sunshine to your hard days?
– There’s books. I’ve tried that but it hasn’t quite stuck yet.
– There’s therapy. Certainly trying that (and racking up all those bills in the meantime).
– There’s starting something new. And that’s on it’s way, but comes with it’s own issues.

I guess I’m breaking the cardinal rule of content writing right now as I am not offering anything useful. There’s no insight in this post. I have no answers for you (in this moment) on how to combat the sinking feeling you’re sad or a loser. But I can say you’re certainly not alone.

I’m going to make a concerted effort here on ‘The Cheeky Genova’ to keep pushing content and make this a place where we talk all the goods: beauty, fashion, skincare, and of course, life. Where we all escape. That said, I’m struggling. I’m pushing through a little spell of self-doubt (tainted with a dash of despair). But stick with me. Let’s get through this together. We WILL CLOSE 2020 with a BANG! I promise to put out some really great shit on the other side of this. For today, I owed you an explanation as the why I haven’t been so cheeky of late, and I hope you understand. Oh, and if you can help…please do drop me a note. I can use all the advice, reassurance, kick-in-the-ass, prayers, even fortunes that I can get right now.

In closing, I’m going to shake this loser feeling and all the dust off my sassy self. I know I will. I always do. Today? Doubtful. But check back tomorrow. Maybe that’s when I’ll be able to start anew. Pull myself out of this rabbit hole. As they say: even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise again.

2 thoughts on “Not So Cheeky Lately

  1. Dear Laura,

    You are a beautiful, wonderful, and 1000% strong Italian woman Laura! Your short blog today is going to help more people than you realize. Sharing your true, real self and your struggles is like a comforting blanket to so many. Being able to see this incredibly admirable woman have down days just like the rest of the world is incredibly comforting. Know that in every blog you post (no matter the content) you are touching someone’s life in a wonderful way.

    Now to the part where you said you are having your “I feel like a loser” slump. You are totally right in the fact that we have ALL been there!! I do believe that 2020 is doing that to so many people right now. Those of us who have mental illnesses are having an even harder time right now. Many of those who have never had a mental illness are now experiencing some form of anxiety and/or depression. Here is what I want to say about that loser feeling. Our brains are such incredible things in all they can do and in all the ways we can change them. I think the visual part of our brains are experts at telling the realistic part of our brains that it is wrong. Here is what I mean. I think so many of us are sitting at home in our pajamas probably eating more than normal and not bothering to brush our hair and watching too much TV. This visualization says to us “We are losers. We don’t get dressed or brush our hair or go anywhere and all we do is eat and watch TV.” BUT the reality is this: We are all forced to work and go to school and live our lives from our homes. We are discouraged to go anywhere and most of the places we love to go are closed or not the same right now. We are ALL in the middle of this pandemic. We need to stand up to the visual part of our brain and say “I am working my ass off from my living room which is 10x harder than doing it from the office. I am saving money and water by not having to wash 5 different work outfits every weekend. I am following the rules and doing everything I can to stay safe and healthy and keep everyone else safe and healthy as well. I wake up everyday and get my work done and follow the rules. I am freaking ROCKING this pandemic situation!”.

    Of course if you look at my mental health the last few years or so you may just think this whole message is woopy cock! haha but I hope it helps.

    Love you!
    Nicki Merchant


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