Not So Cheeky Lately

I get it. I know. ‘The Cheeky Genova’ hasn’t been so cheeky lately. More doom and gloom, right? That vortex of negativity I used to reference in my videos – jeez, haven’t done one of those in a while – I guess I’m stuck in it. But why? And how do I snap out of it?

(If you’re wondering about the cover photo, that chimp/ape/monkey is my ENTIRE vibe right now. I’m fairly certain I have that exact perturbed, confused, a bit scared look on my face. So Dude, I RELATE.)

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First, why?
I went from landing my “dream job” working for myself to this 30-something lying around in her pjs just trying to muster up the energy to go for a quick run (as opposed to watching Emily in Paris for the 100th time while shooting off work emails and drafting charts, graphs, submissions for a project yet to be spoken of).
How did we get here?
Let’s start with the hard truth: 2020 blows. It sucks. Not just for me, but for the entire planet. I mean you literally walk down the street feeling the tension and defeated faces staring out from under dirty masks.
– Maybe it started when we didn’t go on our summer holiday to my happy place, Italy. But okay, not the end of the world, and also, I should be very grateful that was ever even on the table. I wanted to share with all of you my secret, special Ortigia, Sicily, and our little oasis in Navona, Rome. COVID kinda put a damper on that. But those days will come, with some sick food and fashion to boot.
– Then there’s the grief. My friendly cloud of losses past that manages to push sadness to the forefront even today. I challenge negative thoughts, but alas, as you know if you’ve read any of my writing lately, it’s here. The pain.
– With loss, I’ll transition to the ongoing echo in my head, “You’re a loser.” We’ve all felt this way. Like losers. Like we could and should be doing more. Like we’re just filled with untapped potential that we (and only we) cannot seem to unleash. At the core of all my negativity these past few weeks is this settled-in loser. She’s made a home in my over-achieving soul and I can’t seem to evict her yet.

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So what’s next?
How do I go from zero to hero? From a tremendous loser to my cheeky, go-getter self full of joy and inspiration? Back to making genuine impact and maybe even adding a bit of sunshine to your hard days?
– There’s books. I’ve tried that but it hasn’t quite stuck yet.
– There’s therapy. Certainly trying that (and racking up all those bills in the meantime).
– There’s starting something new. And that’s on it’s way, but comes with it’s own issues.

I guess I’m breaking the cardinal rule of content writing right now as I am not offering anything useful. There’s no insight in this post. I have no answers for you (in this moment) on how to combat the sinking feeling you’re sad or a loser. But I can say you’re certainly not alone.

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I’m going to make a concerted effort here on ‘The Cheeky Genova’ to keep pushing content and make this a place where we talk all the goods: beauty, fashion, skincare, and of course, life. Where we all escape. That said, I’m struggling. I’m pushing through a little spell of self-doubt (tainted with a dash of despair). But stick with me. Let’s get through this together. We WILL CLOSE 2020 with a BANG! I promise to put out some really great shit on the other side of this. For today, I owed you an explanation as the why I haven’t been so cheeky of late, and I hope you understand. Oh, and if you can help…please do drop me a note. I can use all the advice, reassurance, kick-in-the-ass, prayers, even fortunes that I can get right now.

In closing, I’m going to shake this loser feeling and all the dust off my sassy self. I know I will. I always do. Today? Doubtful. But check back tomorrow. Maybe that’s when I’ll be able to start anew. Pull myself out of this rabbit hole. As they say: even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise again.