It feels strange to open this letter with ‘how are you.’ Yet, wishing people asked more often, I’ll say: How are you?
I can only pretend to know how you’re feeling right now. Perhaps it’s the walls of the world crumbling, the skies collapsing, the ground shaking. For me, it was as if I was moving mountains with my grief, summoning all the angels and saints for an explanation of what game the gods were playing while I wept.
There are no words to do any justice to what you’ve endured. No right thing to say. You’re justified in whatever it may be that brings you comfort, if anything.
If when they say – it’s unfortunately very common – is helpful, I hope it warms your heart.
If when they say – you did nothing wrong – soothes the soul, I hope you sleep soundly.
If when they say – you’re not alone – brings solace, I hope you feel supported.
But if none of these things people say is the right thing, let me offer something different.
Never let anyone dismiss your pain, grief, sadness, anger, even peace. Whatever it may be, let.it.be.
Never let anyone make you feel inadequate or that you’re making them uncomfortable. Those people are ignorant to your loss. They are lacking in compassion and empathy.
Never let anyone make you feel less than. I believe you will be different than you were before, stronger than you were before, more than you were before (seemingly impossible for such a formidable force of a woman).
As someone who has lost the unthinkable loss, someone who knows all too well the silenced grief, this is my message and I do hope it helps: you’re not a star anymore, rather, you’re the entire sun.
You see, you’ve experienced both life and death in a painful, profound way. You have endured perhaps the most human of human experiences. I’ve heard they say, thy will be done. In your case, the ‘thy’ is you. You will WILL the next beautiful chapter into existence. What that looks like, only you will decide. But from what I know about you, the world is in store for an even more powerful Chrissy than it knew before. While heaven gained an angel, down here, the 1 in 4s, we gained a champion. And not too worry, we will carry the mantle, and all of Twittersphere, with you and for you until you are ready.